Marriage.....?

Two people enter into a union – a contract, with no clear terms…..

To love?

Assume here that the good stuff is easy

Does that mean I will mostly be nice to you?

Tolerate the things that irritate me?

Find your shortcomings endearing?

To honor?

Now this one really is tricky – its not even a word we use very often!

It means respected, exalted, with distinction

So lets stick with respect…”due regard for feelings wishes and rights”

Assuming of course either party knows what the other feels, or wishes for, or what their rights are.

Bizarrely the honoring bit is a whole lot clearer than the loving bit.

So if you say mean things to me when you are drunk, because I love you I will forgive you, despite the fact that you have disrespected my rights as your spouse in expecting to be treated with due regard, assuming of course that I had not in fact misunderstood your wishes and deep feelings of sexual need at the time and rebuffed you, failing to honor my obligation to love you….

In good time and bad….even if you were the cause of the bad time?

In sickness and in health …..do STD’s count? Or is there a no penalty opt out clause to cover you here?

For richer or poorer – well I guess that’s ok, you should have been able to work out where you would land financially.

For better for worse – completely ambiguous – no one actually knows what that means

And my personal favorite – To have and to hold??? Really ?????what could that possibly mean? Does it mean I can touch you whenever I want? Does it imply ownership over one another?

If the waters are not muddy enough for you already, having entered into an extremely unclear contract – there is a third, silent party in on the deal! God..you have also entered into a covenant with God, I am uncertain as to whether this is each of you singularly or as a couple – anywho, God is the silent partner in your contract with whom you have made a sacred promise – I take this to mean that on pain of hell fire if you cods up on any of the very clear terms laid out above God has the right to send you south bound when you snuff it.

Personally I don’t know why they took obey out – we all understand what that actually means

Also – no clause for if your partner is in breach it would seem that regardless of what they may do or not do if you break the sacred promise your just as culpable in the eyes of God – very fair!

Why all the gay people wanted in on this continues to baffle me….?

However there must be something to be siad for the people that all march determinedly down aisles signing up for this dewey eyed with hearts filled with hope...

For Parents

Believe me your children are not gifted.
They are not an extension of your ego.
I think given the current life expectancy your child is more likely to be a nobel laureate than be an international sports star.
They are your children from your bloodline and your failures are because of who you are, not because your parents where not supportive or pushy enough.
All babies are ugly, as are most spotty teens, all young people are ok looking (unless they are really odd) and most people grow up to be average looking - which is why we have an AVERAGE
The only young people who deserve to go to university are those that would get scholarships - everyone else should learn a trade.
Being a plumber is better than having a BCom - if your child is the former he will actually be able to earn a living and is less likely to have a serious drug problem.
The reality is your children are unlikely to be any better than you, in fact if you take your spouse and your parenting into account they could be a lot worse.
My advice pray daily for average

Things I think but dont (always) say

Your mother's cooking is disgusting.
And I would take relationship advice from you why????
Me saying you dont look fat in that is not going to change how you look or the level of your self esteem , only eating less and therapy can help you.
I am in therapy because you are not.
If you tell me to calm down when I am angry the angry doesn't go away its just going to come bursting out somewhere else - maybe I have a right to be angry.
Funnily enough the reason I pay more to travel business class is so that i dont have to share a bathroom with 200 people, eat extra bad sandwiches not of my choice, have no place to put my hand luggage and be jostled forward by you when the plane is disembarking
Short people dont want you to touch them on the head they think you should concentrate on not being so clumsy
Clearly your main value add to the universe is to be decorative so shut-up so I dont have to listen to your meaningless drivel and be decorative
I dont like pasta - its whole purpose is to feed alot of people with a tiny bit of good stuff (sauce) thinly covering a whole pile of tasteless just cooked rubbery stuff
Money is not the root of all evil - jealousy, greed and envy of people with money def breeds a little evil
I wish people got married in private and we were only invited to the reception - am bored of being a witness to a contract I dont understand, that has no clear terms, and no obvious breach clause.
Lawyers defend pedophiles,  rapists, thieves and politicians - is there anything else to say
The purpose of insurance companies is to scare you out of your money when you have some and then fight you to the death when they are supposed to give you a little back