Dont forget to take your pills

Some days feel so unutterably old, so worn out. The future seems devoid of either joy or pain. All I see is a vast emptiness. The people around me, loving me increase this feeling of aloneness or worthlessness it actually hurts.

All I desire is to run, to leave, to disappear, to leave them a letter to tell them how mistaken they are in loving me, that I am not worth this love. That their lives will be so much the better without me.I know my leaving would cause pain and anguish. Hurt and confusion but ultimately you will be so much the better without me.

That somewhere there is a place where I can hide from all the world. A place where my body and mind can grow old, where I don’t need to pretend – a hut, a flat, a cave. A place where I can drink tea and sleep. Sleep until this weariness leaves me or invades my soul, a place where I can give in to the nothingness and you will not see the shame I feel when all the fight leaves me

Blood of my blood

Though we have walked seemingly alone
we carry the blood of those who came before
The unseen torch of survival
Handed silently from mother to child
We have traveled forward with surety
Pools of light on the road ahead 
The ground under foot has been paved
With the dreams and courage, suffering and tears
Triumph’s hard won
Failures from which wisdom was born 
These things gifted to us when first we drew breath
And now we the guardians, 
The ones who shall add both pain and glory
Whos heads shall be bowed with gratitude
As the flame moves from our hands to the next
Then you and I shall take our rest
We shall watch as the light moves forward 
As our daughters dance holding high the torches
And we shall lean against one another
As we have always done