Some days feel so unutterably old, so worn out. The future seems devoid of either joy or pain. All I see is a vast emptiness. The people around me, loving me increase this feeling of aloneness or worthlessness it actually hurts.
All I desire is to run, to leave, to disappear, to leave them a letter to tell them how mistaken they are in loving me, that I am not worth this love. That their lives will be so much the better without me.I know my leaving would cause pain and anguish. Hurt and confusion but ultimately you will be so much the better without me.
That somewhere there is a place where I can hide from all the world. A place where my body and mind can grow old, where I don’t need to pretend – a hut, a flat, a cave. A place where I can drink tea and sleep. Sleep until this weariness leaves me or invades my soul, a place where I can give in to the nothingness and you will not see the shame I feel when all the fight leaves me
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